Why me?

I know, I'm really behind on this whole blog thing. I guess I've had a bad attitude about the whole cancer thing lately. It's the "Why me?" syndrome. Come on, all you cancer patients out there know exactly what I'm talking about. It's part feeling sorry for yourself, part indifference, and part "I want to kick somebody's ass".

I went back to the doctor today, and was so hoping that there would be no fluid. Actually, I'm down from 12 ccs to 4 ccs, so I'll have to make at least one more visit.

My friend Jenny got some great news. Her cancer has shrunk enough that it is now operable. I know you don't know Jenny, but a battle won is always worth sharing. Positive news is good. Hang in there Jenny, you made it through the hard part, you can do this!

I'm really not bouncing back as quickly this time as last, especially mentally. I'm not looking forward to the chemo, but I still have my scarves, so let's do this thing and get it over with. The police department had a special blood drive myself, and two lovely ladies from the same town. It was a success, and we want to thank everyone for coming out. I got a chance to visit with both of them. Honestly, I was a little taken back by their stories of cancer returning. However, it was good to know some other things to watch for. For instance, everybody knows by now, I really didn't like my first chemo doctor much. I had no desire to go back to him. Nina found out her cancer had returned during her 6 month check up and blood counts. I know now to follow up with that. Kathy's cancer came back in the form of melanoma. One spot she didn't even know was there, her doctor found it. That confirms my thoughts on finding a new dermatologist. Mine would have never found that. He's getting old, and I think senile. He only checks what I tell him about. That's a little scary. Thanks for sharing that time and info with me. Sister warriors are an important part of our battles. Kathy told me, almost knows now when it's coming back. She says she knows when she has an illness that hard to beat, like a cold, or a lot of stress. Stress is something I can so identify with. It is so important to learn to let go what you cant fix.

I had a nice visit with my friend Ann last week. She's another strong woman who has won her battle. She's also in inspiration. She's canning and maintaining a fabulous garden this year.I've met some new friends via my blog, and I wish each of them a triumph.

As a bonus from the blood drive, I got to go to a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert last week, and I also got to drive the EVOC course in a squad car. Awesome, fun, I want to do it again!!!!!

I went back to work yesterday. It's like starting a whole new job. My office moved while I was gone. I went from salary to a time clock. My hours changed, my email changed, my address and phone numbers changed, my fax number changed. I had no internet, and no copy machine the first day. (Thanks you so much Jason for your help!) A thoughtful coworker and friend makes a big difference in such a change. Our whole work system and schedule is different. I'm so far behind on emails, and calls, and job inspections. I'm still unpacking my files and supplies, and restoring the lost files on my computer. (Please refer to the "Why me?" syndrome in paragraph 1! lol 

I'll figure it out. I love what I do, no matter what form you put it in. Between the home stress, preparing to start chemo, and going back to work, this song seems appropriate to share. Thanks to my friend Pam, and my baby girl Lacy....

FIGHT LIKE A GIRL!!!!! 
(click to hear)

But I've already had chicken pox!!

Yippy. Who knew I could get chicken pox again? Not me. Apparently it's because of my weakened immune system. It sucks a lot, especially in the middle of the summer. I'm starting to see a pattern. Everything I do seems to happen in sets of two.

This is a good opportunity to remind everyone just how easily a person with a compromised immune system can be effected by illness. Anything from a common cold to chicken pox. Something like a cold can easily become pneumonia.

A lot of people these days do not believe in having their children immunized. I respect that opinion, to a limit. I believe that when you make that choice, you have a social, human responsibility to the weaker among us. The thing that comes to mind here is whooping cough. So many diseases were nearly eliminated by vaccines that there is now a generation who has never seen their impact. If you make that choice, please educate yourself about the disease you decided not to get immunizations for.

That really has nothing to do with my itchy chicken pox, but seemed like an opportune time to throw it out there.

So, I should be able to go back to work before the end of July. The fluid amounts needing to be drained are going down. My first meeting with the chemo doctor will be August 8, which means I'll probably be lucky enough to start chemo right around my birthday. Ironically, that's when I started it last time. I have no idea yet how many treatments I will have. Last time it was 8 treatments, 2 weeks between each.

I will still have the second reconstruction surgery. That can't be done until after my chemo.  I'm feeling a lot better and getting stronger every day. I had planned on taking this week to catch up on lunches with friends. I guess I'll be staying home until I'm not contagious. Oh well, life happens, in sets of two.