Mammogram Worries

I had good intentions with my last post. The problem was, a few paragraphs into it, exhaustion set in and I realized how tired I really was.

So tomorrow is mammogram day. I thought that was earlier this month, it turns out they had not actually scheduled yet. After a series of troublesome calls to schedule it, it was settled on for tomorrow. It's almost a joke that it happens so often on Halloween. Some days I feel goulish enough.

So why troublesome calls, you might ask. Some of you who have been around for a while may remember me sharing my thought process as I decided whether or not to get the implant. I have a friend whose wife had breast cancer return, and they did not find it in time because it was hidden behind her implant. I had almost decided not to get one, until a conversation with my plastic surgeon who reassured me that was not a problem, and they could manipulate me around so they could see behind it. What I am told now, by the people who actually do the mammogram is that they will never do another mammo on the right side. Her words were, "Well, there's nothing there except the implant." As I told her, I beg to differ. I very distinctly remember the pain from the surgery where they took the muscle from my back, and brought it around to the front. I also remember Thelma, and how they couldn't see around hers. I also remember my breast cancer surgeon saying, "Unfortunately, cancer doesn't glow in the dark, so we can't always be sure we got it all." So how do they know there is nothing there if they don't look?!? Some women to go to lengths to avoid getting a mammogram, I want them to, and they won't. Go figure.

I may have mentioned, I've discovered that each chemo is making me sicker. I'm glad I only have 2 to go. This time around, it's mostly the exhaustion that gets me. It seems like no matter how hard you try, there is always something to get in the way of more sleep! lol

I watched a very moving video I want to share. I could so identify with this young woman and her scars. I remember those bandages. She is so amazing and positive. www.jillswish.com You can find it at the right side of my blog.

4 Down, 2 to go...

I know, I've been quiet lately. My first instinct has been, "if you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all". Let's face it, there's just not much good to say about chemo. Then I got to thinking about the whole reason for the blog. I can't help anyone else, if I'm silent.

With each treatment, I'm getting sicker. I know, that's to be expected. I've pretty much laid around all weekend, sleeping and taking pain meds for my bones. I apologize for my anti-social behavior. I haven't talked to friends, or even much to family. I just want to recuperate as much as possible before work tomorrow. I'm watching my days off as close as I can, and not taking days unless I absolutely have to. I don't feel like at this point, I'm ever going to be caught up, but I keep trying.

The good news is that my blood counts have been really good. I heard the nurse tell someone not to use metal silverware, just to use plastic, to help alleviate that metal taste from everything. It didn't work. Maybe it will work for someone else. I've pretty much put the scarves down. I still wear them to keep my head warm when I need to , but I'm just going with the bald head most of the time.

And then, there's Sharley. I wasn't going to keep her, just find her a home. Yet another dog I rescued from my ignorant neighbors. A week earlier, they wanted to get rid of her, and I had her a home. Then they changed their minds, and my daughter got another dog. Four hours later, they had changed their minds again. Some people should just never have pets. I have seen their dogs neglected, teased, left outside without food water or shelter, reported them, seen them be hit by cars, and die of preventable diseases. They put Sharley out on a stake and short chain that was always tangled. They left her in the rain for days with no shelter. At this time in my life, it's a struggle to housebreak her, and take her out on cold evenings to walk, but I think it's part of a bigger plan. It does, afterall, give me a reason to get up and go outside. She's a smart little border collie, and for now, I think she can stay.