Post surgery update!

Mama is doing very well. She is so strong, and has handled this process with such grace. It just breaks my heart to see her have to do this, but she is amazing... It has been an emotional day today but I am so proud of her! And so thankful for amazing doctors! The first part of the surgery(removal)took a little over an hour. When the surgeon came out, he told us what a great success it was, and everything went very smoothly. The second part of the surgery(reconstruction)took approximately three hours, and when that surgeon came out, she had a very similar report... everything looks good, everything went great! They said the second part would take 2-3 hours and at two hours, I started checking the "status board" every time her I.D. went across it, waiting anxiously for her to be out of surgery. Finally!!! They didn't even have to ask us to come back to the room where we would see the doctor, we just went! A note about her doctor... He's amazing! I had forgotten, that his office always sends flowers after surgery. Today, they were bright, pretty yellow ones, perfect for someone who is recovering! (And you'll have to forgive me, I'm not a plant person like mama, so I have no idea what they were... daisies maybe?) I'm so happy that everything went well and both parts of the surgery were successful! I will post another update tomorrow, and see if there is anything she wants me to say for her. <3 Lacy

Let's get ready to Rumble!!

Everything's ready, including me. Let's get this over with.


A Warrior's Call

This one is dedicated to the beloved warriors who fought this battle before me, and weren't quite strong enough to win:

My sweet Daddy, Lee Smith
My best friend and Cherokee sister, Becky Fields
My fiery little sister in law, Laura May Cecil
Our own teen angel, Amanda Kay Alfont
And my high school sweetheart, Ricky Gene Brown

No Smoking

I have smoked since I was 14. That's 40 years. I've quit a few times, but not for long. Until now. I quit. None of those cheater e-cigarettes that Shareen uses, but cold turkey, quit!  As it turns out, the nicotine can greatly effect my healing. In fact, it can cause my tissue to die. Why would I go through all of this, and not do anything I can to prevent that?  I will be on some pretty serious pain meds over the next few days, so let me apologize ahead of time to my family for any excessively bitchy attitude I may have!

I had my final visit with the plastic surgeon today. Her part of the surgery will last 2-3 hours. That's after Dr. Schmidt finishes his part of the surgery. That will probably also be about an hour. She used her high tech sharpee to mark me all up, all the places she will be cutting. This is just creepy!

I was excited last night to discover, I have readers from all over the U.S., including Alaska. I even have a reader from Germany. We made a few changes. At the bottom, you will now find an option to subscribe by email. We also added the option to translate. I didn't even know what a widget was, now i have 2! lol

Testing!

Just testing posting!  Hopefully Toni will feel good enough to keep this up and I won't be needed at all!  Doesn't she look pretty!

The Calm Before the Storm

It's almost eerie. Things have been so calm the last few days. Everything is falling into place.

My last day at work before sick leave, was also my last day in that location. While, I'm gone, the whole office is moving to new location. Friday was not only a day to finish things before I leave it to someone else  to do for a while, but a chance to say bye to friends in the building we won't be working with as much. My friends at work had a carry-in for the occasion. Good friends, good food, nice way to end the week.

Friday evening and Saturday morning saw good progress on a family project. There was none of the typical family friction. (Yeah, we ALL have it. You know what I'm talking about!)

All I really wanted to do the last weekend before surgery, was go camping. I've looked forward to that all winter. I failed to realize, that it's also a holiday weekend. Every campground in Indiana was booked. I just decided to make do right here at home, and at least have a fire in the fire pit. Late afternoon I got a call from my best friend. He knew how bad I wanted to camp, and unplug from the world, one time, while I can. He pulled some strings, and found a nice private place for me to camp. I was so excited! I started throwing things in a bag, Randy started throwing the tent and camping gear in the truck, and forty five minutes later, we were setting up the tent! Cowboy coffee in the pot, nice gentle rain that stayed on the outside of the tent, beautiful evening!

Sunday was full of family and friends helping me put together my healing place. My front porch now has benches and comfy seating, and sunshade. It's a special place where I can sit and drink my morning coffee, and watch my latest flowers bloom.

Today was full of helping hands here in the house. I feel truly blessed this day.

Good news for a change

I've been worried about the sonogram results for my arteries and veins. They were afraid the radiation treatment I had 2 years ago may have caused my arteries to harden. That would have made the preferred type of surgery impossible. All is clear, the arteries are ok. Now I know for sure what type of surgery I will have. They will take this muscle from my back, move it around, under my arm, under my skin, to the front, leaving it attached under my arm by the arteries and veins, and then reattach it where they have to take out my pec muscle. I know, right?  It sounds traumatic, but in the bigger picture, it's good news.

Inspirations and Aggravations

Inspirations and aggravations...they both seem to be magnified at times like this.

One of my favorite inspirations came from my brother-in-law. Thank you Charlie Ray! You were right, it has become my theme song, or maybe, my battle cry.


A Warrior's Call

My most recent aggravation would seem like a small thing, but it bothers me more every day. On my way home, or just about anywhere else, I keep passing a Memorial Day flower sale. I understand that it's Memorial week. I mean no disrespect to anyone who has a loved one who has been taken by breast cancer. This particular sale has a bright pink ribbon, right out in front. I have put all negatives thoughts out of my mind. That stupid ribbon sits there waving at me every time I pass it. I love pink ribbons, but it's a grave marker! It's negative. I don't even want to see it. I've weighed my options. I decided the first, to just drive up over the curb and run over it, was not a good idea. So, you will see me taking the long way around.

(A note to my co-contributors; you both have blogs, and know how they work, help me! What settings can you change to help me make sure everyone who wants to can see my posts, and comment, can? Thanks Lacy and Shareen)

So much to do, in so little time!  The ONLY good thing I can say about the second time around, is that I know more what to expect, what to prepare for, and what truly doesn't matter.

There's the paperwork...FMLA, short term disability, presurgery forms, lists and checklists, and double checklists.

Work is going smoothly, but crazy busy. Try writing down everything you do so that someone else can understand it, while still doing your work. Oh yeah, do it all in one week. We've worked out who will do my inspections, what they need to inspect, who they need to report to, and who they might need to contact.

We've worked out who will do my plan reviews, what they need to look for, and who they need to contact. Poor Jason, has to field all my calls, so he needs a contact list, too. We know who will investigate which type of complaint.

A lot of what I planned for and worried about last time, I learned, really doesn't matter. As of Friday, someone else can worry about it all until I get back. I've learned how to delegate.  My only focus is winning this war.

Financially, I didn't have much time to prepare, either. I know I just need to focus on the bills, the minimum amount due, the deadlines, and get that done before I switch over to disability. It's doable, I just need to stay on top of the paperwork. I have learned how important it is to have someone you can count on to help with this. I am blessed to have a lot of help with that.

At home, honestly, nothing is ready. The plan was to clean, organize, get ahead with the flower beds, make a comfortable recuperation space. I'm still working on that. Recuperation space is important. I need a place to relax, be comfortable, move easily through my tiny house. I need things I use the most, in places that are easy to reach. I'm working on my flower gardens, too. It's not as important that it gets done, but I gives me peace to sit and watch the garden. Peace is also important. (But not important enough to ask anyone's help in the flower bed. I still haven't forgiven my sister for pulling up my pretty pink Queen of the Prairie! lol)

Less stress is important. I've talked to all the family and friends I needed to about what they can do to help with that. My filter is broken. I've been painfully honest with them. Camping is important. I spent all winter looking forward to that. Just a tent and a camp fire, and my cowboy coffee pot on the fire will make me happy. I really wanted to camp, just once before the surgery and chemo. That's exactly what I'm going to do. The housework will wait. Hurry up weekend!

Now What?!

Only a cancer survivor can understand this feeling. Once you've had it, everything worries you. Once you've had it twice, even the simplest things can cause a panic. I had one of those today. Well, it actually started last night.

Yesterday evening, I got a terrible cramp in my left arm. Not the right, where I know there is cancer close by, but the left. When I realized I had a lump in that area of my arm, my immediate first thought was a lymph node. I took a deep breath and calmed myself down. It must just be some kind of insect bite, spider probably. I did work in my flower bed for a little while when I got home. That must be it. It will be better in the morning. And it was. Whew, that was a relief.

That is until this afternoon when I realized my left arm was red, and hot, and I had streaks working their way up my arm. This can't be good. Still trying to put the big C in the back of my mind, I decided it has to be a bite. Then I thought about a conversation with a dear friend yesterday who is still struggling with the results of a brown recluse spider bite. That is the last thing I need right before surgery. So I went to see the Dr.

Good news, she says it's not more cancer, and it's not a bite. Wait...then what IS it? It seems I now have an infection in my vein from my IV two weeks ago, the one they used for my MRI and PET scan. So now I have antibiotics for it. I really don't understand. How does this happen? They swab your arm, and use a sterile IV, so how does it get infected?

Decisions...Decisions

Wow! Lots of things to think about this week.

I met with the plastic surgeon last week. It turns out that this is much more complicated than I ever dreamed it would be. Don't let anyone compare your mastectomy to cosmetic implants. It's much more complicated than that. They have to replace the muscle they take out. I guess I knew that, but hadn't given it much thought. 

So, the plan is to take the muscle from my right shoulder blade area, leave it connected with the arteries and veins under my arm, move it, under the skin, around to the front right side, and reattach it. OWWW! Funny thing is, all I kept thinking the whole time she was telling me this, was whether or not I would ever be able to shoot my bow again. So why didn't I ask about that? Because in the bigger scheme of things, it's really not that important. Let's get the cancer out, then I'll worry about silly things like my bow. Maybe it was just easier to focus on at that moment than the trauma of the surgery.

I had to go directly to the hospital for a sonogram under my arm. It turns out that the radiation treatment I had last time, could have caused my arteries to harden. If that's the case, this surgery cannot be done. I'm still waiting to hear about that. I hate waiting!

The next life changing decision I have an entire week to make, is whether to get saline or silicone.  Seems like a minuscule thing, but it's not. There is a lot to think about. I'll spare you those details, and just say that I decided to go with saline. Eventually, they all leak. Saline, just absorbs into your body, and basically, my right side will deflate. Hmmm, I can hardly wait. Silicone, has to be checked, with an MRI every few years, to be sure it hasn't leaked. My reasoning is, I'm close to retirement age. Do I really want to keep going back and paying for even my co-pay portion of an MRI? I don't think so. Alright, saline it is. 

Or not. More decisions. A friend who very recently lost his wife to breast cancer asked me to reconsider any form of implant.  She had one, years ago. When her cancer returned, they did not see it until it had spread too far. They didn't see it because it was hidden behind the implant. What!? Now why the hell didn't anyone else tell me that! I did some research, and apparently, that happens more often than most people realize. This is important information. I thought I had this all figured out. Now what do I do? Where's my owner's manual?
 

Surgery date set

So today, I got some good news. It has not spread to any other areas. Everything else is clear. Nothing on the left side. My lungs, liver and bones are clear. No lymph nodes are affected. Thank you Jesus!

It looks like my surgery will be May 29, then chemo. Things are falling into place at work, which helps tremendously to not have that worry.

I was thinking this time about the differences from last time. Every person is different, and apparently, every occurrence is different. They told me today, that this is not even the same kind of breast cancer I had last time. Who new there were different kinds? Not me. It seems funny that this time, the word Mastectomy doesn't bother me at all. (Just get rid of it, I don't care what you call it!) The first time, I remember the paperwork calling it a "dissection". THAT upset me, a lot. I kept thinking...dissection....I did that in 5th grade science class with frogs and grasshoppers....you don't dissect people. I wonder if the medical world realizes what effect such seemingly small things have on real people.

I got home today to find a special gift in my mail box. My native sister Linda has made a beautiful set of beaded pink ribbon earrings for me.  I'm going to wear them to every chemo. Thank you! I had already started on my new pow wow regalia, with pink ribbons. These will look beautiful with them. (And yes, I plan to pow wow this fall.)

Gloves on, Round 2!!

Gloves on, Round 2!!

Damn it! I did this once, I should not have to do it again. I knew it wasn't good when they told me Dr. Schmidt wanted to talk to me. Technically, they call it a "treatment failure". I've used a lot of other words for it this week.


I have to do the chemo again, and this time, a complete mastectomy. I wish now, I had done that the first time. It was a small spot, and I don't remember them even discussing that option. Maybe they did and I just forgot. Friday, I go for the MRI and PET scan. As soon as we get those results, they will decide whether to do the chemo or surgery first. They said if they find anything at all on the left side, they will do a double mastectomy. "Total Mastectomy and Immediate Reconstruction"  I won't even really know what all that means until I meet with the plastic surgeon. I'm resisting the internet pics. I really just want them to hurry and do whatever is next. I've never been a patient person.

My morning routine has changed. It begins now with thanking the Creator in advance for helping me beat it this time for good.

I've had a lot of support, for which I am very thankful. Sometimes, though, even that is hard. At work, for instance, there has been a constant flow of people stepping in the office to say hello, and give me a hug. I wouldn't want to change that, I'm thankful for every hug. It does, however, tend to keep me in a constant emotional state.

And then, there are those people with really good intentions,who just don't think before they speak. I've had 3 people this week tell me about someone they knew, who had it come back, and died. DON'T EVER DO THAT AGAIN, TO ANYONE FACING CANCER!!!!!!! What were you thinking????