What a difference a day makes

Today is much better. The steroids make the pain go away for now. I'm sure it will return when they wear off. They have changed my chemo cocktail in an effort to make the rash go away. This one takes longer, so it made for a much longer day than we had planned. We were gone from 8:00 am until 5:30 p.m.  Most of the same side effects will be the same, with a few new ones added. One med says it will increase my heart rate, the other says it will decrease my heart rate. I'm hoping they counteract each other. That makes sense to me. One says it will cause a lower blood pressure. Today it was 110/ 70, so let's hope it doesn't go much lower. The good news, my blood counts were great. They did an xray of my shoulder, so we should know what going on tomorrow. The benedryl is making me exhausted, so I'm about to sleep like a baby.

Thank you all for your thoughts, prayers and support.

Positive Strength

It may sometimes seem that I am being very negative. That couldn't be less true. I am by nature, an optimist. I have learned, however, that it's not good, especially for me, to pretend everything is ok, when in fact it is not. Today was a good example of that. I've had a tremendous amount of pain in my joints this time around, especially my left shoulder. I've tried to ignore it. Obviously, that didn't work for me. I was sure it was a pulled muscle, although I've been very careful not do anything to cause that. Last night, my daughter brought it to my attention that it is my injection arm. Duh, now why didn't I think of that? As the pain got worse last night, I thought about the fact that tomorrow I'll see the Dr, and get another treatment, so why suffer through another day at work without being able to move it? Knowing how bad the chemical burns were last time, I should of realized that was probably a part of my pain this time, too. I needed to rest it.

So I stayed home, took the pain pill, and started taking the steroids again today. By this evening, a lot of the pain is gone. I've been thinking, I know the last time I got steroids mixed right in with my chemo. This time, I only take them the day before, the day of, and the day after. That explains the joint pain, and it's on my list of things to discuss with the Dr tomorrow. It's all about being observant of what's actually going on with your body, and discussing it with your Dr as things come up. If you're not honest with yourself, and your loved ones, you may not even realize that these things are connected.

I need to publicly thank my support team tonight. My friends, coworkers, and family, I love you! Thank you for all you do. Thank you to my kids. Like any mom, sometimes they get under my skin, but they have been a tremendous help. But tonight, I want to say THANK YOU RANDY!!! Thank your for understanding and patience, thank you for the laundry and yard services, the chauffeuring, the cooking and housekeeping, and the shoulder to cry on. Thank you for the pet services, and peace keeping. I love you.

So with a positive attitude, I'm ready for tomorrow. My best friend and sister are taking me for tomorrow's treatment. This is # 3, my halfway mark. I mentioned them early in my blog, but this one is those who weren't quite strong enough. This one's for Daddy, Becky, Laura May, Amanda and Ricky Gene. Please send me strength from above.

Self pity party

I said from the beginning, I was going to use the blog to vent a little too. If you don't want to hear it, here's your chance to hit the red X.

So I survived our annual conference for work last week, and our river clean up event. I love conference. I always learn a lot, and there are lots of networking opportunities. However, this year was extra challenging. I really have to wonder who the scheduling genius was that put chemo woman here on the Friday schedule for an event or presentation every hour! Really???  Honestly, I wouldn't do that anyone, let alone someone with the obvious physical and mental challenges I have right now. (Yes, I said mental challenges. Chemo brain is kicking in full force.)

I have some well wishers who try to keep up with what's going on with me physically. Truly, it's just too much to explain. lol At this point, it's a long list. I feel like if I tell them even half of it, they think I must be a crazy hypochondriac.Let's see, my skin is peeling, I have chemical burns, rashes, and a lot of issues I feel are just TMI. My stomach is always upset, sometimes one way, sometimes another, but never normal. I'm exhausted, I have achy bones and joints, I have that achy flu feeling all the time. Did I mention that I am exhausted? I already lost my hair, but it still hurts. I'm losing my fingernails. I'm obviously losing my mind. Did I mention that I'm exhausted? I've developed a huge phobia of germ infested crowds of people. I probably forgot to mention that I'm exhausted. That's ok, I forget a lot due to the chemo brain. It appears I have pulled some of my new muscles, and so now I feel very much like I have cracked ribs. Yeah...fun!

I know my sisters will identify with this. I have a very "Leland" attitude right now. (My Daddy) I feel a little like most of my kids just really don't have time for their sick mamma right now. My logical side knows that's not true, but who said chemo makes you logical? Not me!

There is light at the end of the tunnel, I'm sure, I've been told. Randy says he misfigured my treatments. Originally when he looked on the calendar, he said Dec 19 would be the last one. It seems that if they continue on Thursdays, the last one will actually be Thanksgiving day. lol    No, that can't be right. Somebody refigure that. I can't. It hurts my chemo brain.

Chemo # 2

Chemo # 2 is in the morning. My brother and sister will be here around 8-8:30 am to get me, and I can't sleep. The steroids I take in preparation for chemo have me too hyped up. They make me feel jittery. I just can't rest. The only good thing about it, is it made my last good night night of not feeling too bad before the next treatment, very productive. I got a lot of canning and laundry and housework done tonight. My farmville and now my blog are caught up. lol  I'm hoping my blood count is high enough that I can get the chemo. If not, it will push my finish date past Christmas.

So last Thursday, I knew the majority of my hair would be gone in 24 hours. My son-in-law gave me a mohawk, and my daughter made it pink, really pink!!  I had to laugh. He told his buddies he was going to do something they would never do in their whole lives. They realized he was right when he told them he was giving his mother-in-law a mohawk! I wore it to work on Friday. I have to thank my bosses and co-workers. They were hugely supportive! That was big for me. Last time, I had my daughter cut it quietly one evening, slipped a scarf on in the morning, and always wore it to work. I would occasionally go to the store or something bald, but never to work.

I got to go camping over the weekend, and by Saturday morning, it was gone.

I added a link to helpful links list. It's for headcovers.com. My daughter found it for me the last time I went through chemo. My favorite scarf, and main reason for sharing the site, is the Melanie scarf. It's all one piece, already tied, and stretchy. It just slips on and off. I highly recommend it. It comes in a lot of different colors. It's very comfortable. Sometimes with plain scarves, they either don't cover what you want them to, or in order to keep them from slipping, you have tie them pretty tight. That always gave me a headache. 

I have to mention 3 very good friends. Angela, I'm so happy for your great check-up news. Jenny....what is there to say...you my dear, are a walking talking miracle! The same goes for you, Miss Melba! 

I got a beautiful gift in the mail last week, from a total stranger. A friend of his sent him to me when she read my blog. (Thank you!)  He too has fought cancer twice, and won the battle. His daughter put together a beautiful cd about his battle, with journal notes, photos, and emails from friends and family. It's beautiful, and inspiring. 

This next week is going to be a tough one. I'll be gone for my annual conference at work. I only have Friday, Monday, and Tuesday morning to get my work done and prepare for presentations at conference, get things here done before I leave, and pack. All of this, right in the first few days after treatment. My canning is caught up, and the kids are taking over for a while. I don't know if you've ever made tomato juice, but this year, I'm loving it. The kids are making the juice and sending it to me. All I had to do was put it in the jar and can it. They tell me they now have a whole new appreciation for all the work I did to can when they were growing up. (hehehehe)  

About the garden, I may have mentioned this before, but it's worth throwing out there again. The first time around, one of the hardest things about the garden during chemo, was not being able to eat my fresh tomatoes. This year, Northern Tropics Greenhouse had white tomato plants. I planned ahead and planted two of them. Now I have low acid tomatoes I can eat, even with a sore mouth. Maybe not the first week, but the second is not bad. In fact, I had enough of them, the kids made a special batch of white tomato juice. I have some to last now into winter. Thank you!

One more thing about tomorrow. I'm hoping I do not get that bad chemical burn at my injection site and up my vein this time. If I do, they will have consider putting a port back in. I really hate to get a port, for what, after tomorrow, will be 4 more treatments.