Self pity party

I said from the beginning, I was going to use the blog to vent a little too. If you don't want to hear it, here's your chance to hit the red X.

So I survived our annual conference for work last week, and our river clean up event. I love conference. I always learn a lot, and there are lots of networking opportunities. However, this year was extra challenging. I really have to wonder who the scheduling genius was that put chemo woman here on the Friday schedule for an event or presentation every hour! Really???  Honestly, I wouldn't do that anyone, let alone someone with the obvious physical and mental challenges I have right now. (Yes, I said mental challenges. Chemo brain is kicking in full force.)

I have some well wishers who try to keep up with what's going on with me physically. Truly, it's just too much to explain. lol At this point, it's a long list. I feel like if I tell them even half of it, they think I must be a crazy hypochondriac.Let's see, my skin is peeling, I have chemical burns, rashes, and a lot of issues I feel are just TMI. My stomach is always upset, sometimes one way, sometimes another, but never normal. I'm exhausted, I have achy bones and joints, I have that achy flu feeling all the time. Did I mention that I am exhausted? I already lost my hair, but it still hurts. I'm losing my fingernails. I'm obviously losing my mind. Did I mention that I'm exhausted? I've developed a huge phobia of germ infested crowds of people. I probably forgot to mention that I'm exhausted. That's ok, I forget a lot due to the chemo brain. It appears I have pulled some of my new muscles, and so now I feel very much like I have cracked ribs. Yeah...fun!

I know my sisters will identify with this. I have a very "Leland" attitude right now. (My Daddy) I feel a little like most of my kids just really don't have time for their sick mamma right now. My logical side knows that's not true, but who said chemo makes you logical? Not me!

There is light at the end of the tunnel, I'm sure, I've been told. Randy says he misfigured my treatments. Originally when he looked on the calendar, he said Dec 19 would be the last one. It seems that if they continue on Thursdays, the last one will actually be Thanksgiving day. lol    No, that can't be right. Somebody refigure that. I can't. It hurts my chemo brain.